would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I only lived at night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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