Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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