Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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