Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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