Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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