How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
