we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
