grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
