can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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