We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
