Someone shit on the floor
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
