Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
