She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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