Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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