go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
