Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
