Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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