hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
