Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
