Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
