Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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