I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
