Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
