Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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