I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
