Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
