When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hippo gnu deer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
