Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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