I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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