No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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