fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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