I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
