I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
