I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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