dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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