If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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