Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
