he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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