My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
