I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
