Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
