You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
