***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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