dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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