Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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