he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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