help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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