fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
