last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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