put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
