But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then my night got REAL pukey
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
