the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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