She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
